Hello

April is almost over. I got my nose pierced last weekend–a milestone of sorts. I’ve wanted a nostril piercing since I was a teen, but never thought my nose or face were “good enough” for such a thing. And then suddenly, I just did it–because I wanted to. And, I love it.

A few days ago, Anna told me that when she grows up, she wants to be like me. And I thought, “wow, what a compliment and a huge responsibility.” Then a couple of days later, Mia told me that we are boring adults and she is going to be different than that when she’s an adult. And the pendulum in my mind swung in the complete other direction.

Life is so weird. It changes all the time. One moment, your kid thinks you are the world, and the next, she’s planning her escape and realizing how much she doesn’t want to be like you.

What will life be like after the kids are grown? It’s hard to imagine a life that doesn’t revolve around the care of children. Who am I if I am not a mother? Of course, I am always going to be a mother. But it will not always be my most defining characteristic in the way it is now.

I think this is what Mia meant when she said that we are boring adults. Having parenting as a defining characteristic is not particularly interesting.

Mia has no idea the sacrifice or the commitment one makes when becoming a parent. And, she shouldn’t. The gift of childhood is being free from that knowledge–free from the knowledge that life is hard work once you’re not a kid anymore.

My sister has 4 dogs and no children. She calls the dogs her kids and calls herself a mother. She celebrates Mother’s Day for herself. And, rightfully so. She’s a mother in the best way she can be. I think often what I would be like if I’d never had kids. What would I be doing now? Would I be happier or less happy? Would I have a bunch of pets and call them my kids?

Those are my thoughts for today. Happy spring, my friends.

Here is a photo showing my new nostril piercing.

Birthdays!

Pisces birthday month is in full swing! Anna turned ten on the 14th and Alan turns 41 today. Happy birthday to Allison and Ocean and all the other March birthdays out there, too.

We’re in the middle of a Mercury retrograde period in Pisces, which has made for some emotionally draining events for some of us. But in the midst of that, there has been loveliness, too.

We revealed to Anna her birthday surprise: a ballet studio in the downstairs spare bedroom. Alan worked very hard on making it happen, and it looks so great. We received help from our families to pull it together, and we are grateful for that. Alan had a challenging month at work on top of being sick and rushing to get the room finished in time for Anna’s birthday. He did it all with the easygoing attitude and loving nature that he always has.

Anna has been exploring spirituality and healing. She is interested in learning “space clearing”, so for her birthday, we gave her an old cigar box filled with space cleaning items like essential oils, incense, lemon grass, and smudge sticks. She was very happy about it and we fully expect to have our home cleared of negative energies on a regular basis ūüėČ

Love to all and thanks for reading.

xo

Happy 10th birthday, Anna!
Anna’s ballet studio
Anna opening her “space clearing kit” that she received for her birthday. Shelly was very interested in it, too!
And an extra bonus: a lost tooth! The tooth fairy paid a visit on Anna’s birthday. What a day!
Alan enjoying a little book that Mia and Anna made for him.
It’s a little “fill-in-the-blank” book about daddy.
Candles need a little help to stand upright in a banana cream pie.

“The sky is not falling.”

My recent subscription to Medium has been arriving in my inbox every day. It’s a breath of fresh air. Here is my favorite Medium article from this morning’s delivery. Written by author Ayodeji Awosika, the words are uplifting and thought provoking. They reset my thinking today, reminding me to tune in to the present moment and recognize that “the sky is not falling.” This describes just how I’d like to live my life. It is so easy to forget without a reminder once in a while.

Best wishes to everyone for a happy weekend.

Lisa

Valentine’s Day and other things

Tonight I arrived home to a special dinner, flowers, cards, and dessert made my sweet family. I did not take pictures, but I think I just might remember it forever, anyway. This is the recipe that Anna used to make the super yummy chocolate mousse we had for dessert. We also watched a cheesy, romantic movie tonight (I loved it and I think the rest of them did, too) and went to bed really late. Clearly, I am still awake but the rest of my loves are asleep, including the dog and cat.

Mia recorded two songs at a recording studio that will be included on her first album that we hope to complete this year. We are working on making a website for her so she can promote herself. It’s slow going for us on that front; none of us are particularly gifted in the area of website design and self-promotion. I’ll share it here once it’s up and running.

A work opportunity presented itself in recent weeks that required a lot of thought and decision making. Ultimately, I decided not to join a private practice that would involve working with children and families in the areas of trauma and attachment. For various reasons, I decided to turn down the opportunity and keep the stability, legal protection, flexibility, and independence that my current job provides. It was not easy saying no, explaining why, and dealing with the disappointment of the team who wanted me on board. The experience provided a refreshed appreciation and commitment to my current job– which has had me a bit bored and uninspired lately. While this was a somewhat distressing experience, the practice in setting boundaries and following my intuition seem to be another trial on my journey. It seems this same situation has repeated so many times in my life now that it’s almost ridiculous. I should be well versed in it by now. This time, I was less impulsive and more cordial than usual. So, that is probably a good thing.

I am not an all-bad person: An epiphany from chocolate cake

Today, my mom and dad came over for a few hours to spend time with my girls.  I had a couple of hours off in the middle of the day, so I dropped by home to spend time with all of them.  My mom had baked a cake with Anna, the recipe shown below, and it was so good that I ate three pieces in a row!

My mom showed me the recipe they used for the cake and explained that I’d made this same cake back in August of 1994 as a surprise for the family. ¬†What? That 15-year-old insecure girl who couldn’t seem to do much right with her life made a CAKE? ¬†I remember those days painfully clearly, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot remember this cake-making that evidently occurred. As you can see by the recipe below, my mom takes very good notes! That makes them extra fun to read 25 years later.

Learning about my teenage cake-making episode transpired just at the right time–as these things often do. ¬†Recently I’ve been processing my long-held belief that “I am a bad person.” ¬†Memories of my mistakes and all of the bad things I have done are plentiful and easily accessible in my busy, ruminating mind. ¬†Not so accessible, however, are the things I did that were NOT bad. ¬†Like baking.

Back in August 1994, I was the age that Mia is now. ¬†Through Mia and with the help of this new cake-making information, there is a surge of compassion and love for my younger self. ¬†It’s like water is flowing into an empty cavern, filling it with life. ¬†The cavern has been dry for a long time.

Mia is wise beyond her years, a kind and genuine soul–which perhaps I was not. ¬†But, like Mia, I was trying to figure things out and doing the best I could. ¬†Figuring things out when you’re 15 years old is not an easy feat. ¬†I gossiped about people. ¬†I talked behind people’s backs. ¬†I went along with teasing a girl for being fat. I cheated on tests. I complained and was ungrateful, and the list goes on. ¬†But, was I really as bad as I’ve been telling myself? ¬†Look, I made this cake. ¬†For my family, as a surprise that made them happy. That is pretty sweet. ¬†That sweetness came from me.

Today, this was an epiphany: I am not an all-bad person.

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