behind the scenes

Most of the time, I post an entry here to imprint a moment or a day worth remembering.  Something I want to look back on and get nostalgic over.  Something that makes me feel like my life is pretty good.

After a lot of these posts, it starts to look like my life is only made up of these sorts of spectacular moments.  It looks like I am this mother who does all sorts of great things for her kids and has a positive outlook and all kinds of patience.

But that, my friends, is not so.

Between the posts, there isn’t necessarily much worth remembering.  Often times it seems there is more worth forgetting.  Feelings of chaos and being completely overwhelmed, crying spells (me), crying spells (the kids), taking three hours to make, eat, and clean up from breakfast just in time for lunch, being so behind on laundry that my daughter has to wear dirty underwear.

Today is one of those days, even though yesterday was truly spectacular.  Today I am depressed, feeling hopeless, suffocating, tired of being touched, tired of hearing noise, tired of being kicked in the face and headbutted in my sleep, tired of giving, feeling desperately fearful of ever having another child because who do I think I am kidding? How on earth could I handle even more noise, demands, touching, kicking, and mouths to feed?

And of course, this will pass like it always does.  The gray clouds will move along and I will have my sunshine again.  Tomorrow is a new day.

3 thoughts on “behind the scenes

  1. Thanks for posting this, Lisa. I think all of us have days (or weeks) when we feel so overwhelmed by parenting that it just seems impossible to face another day. But do we talk about it? Not necessarily. When people ask how I like being home with Mason this summer I always respond with some positive remark (Oh, I LOVE it!) When in actuality, he is a very emotionally intense child and most of the time I struggle to deal with his tantrums. Sigh. You are right…tomorrow is a new day and it will bring its own new joys and challenges 🙂 Hang in there!

  2. :Lisa,
    I sooo needed to read that. You sum it all up so perfectly. You express what we all feel, but don’t stop think about it. Being a mother and a wife, are so rewarding, yet so challenging, both physically and mentally. I really find myself looking back at my downfalls at each role, more than I do the rewards. I think I get caught up in the fairy tale that I’m supposed to somehow be perfect at these roles, then fall into a pit of depression when I realize how far from it I am. This posting really helped to remind me that we are all just struggling along, moment by moment day by day, trying to make it through the tantrums, theirs and mine, just hoping for that next “moment” that you get to feel rewarded for all your efforts and exhaustion. So, thanks for making my “moment” a little brighter!
    Nicole

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