Well, I am back.
I’m in that place again where I need a place to put my thoughts so they aren’t stuck in my head. Or my throat.
Here I am, with a screaming 18-month old whom I can’t seem to please, a pailful of stinky diapers waiting to be washed, and enough drama to make Shakespeare turn in his grave. I just learned that my beloved midwife, Jeanne, has breast cancer and that my beloved mother plans to donate her body to science after she dies (which I respect, but am having a terrible time accepting); in addition, I learned that a close friend and her husband are separating. Alan is stressed and tired, we all have colds, and I just got the bill for Anna’s hospital visit 3 weeks ago. Ouch.
Life is much harder than I ever expected. Maybe instead of spending my high school years stressing out over algebraic equations, dysfunctional friendships, and American history, I should have been learning about THIS. I should have learned about budgeting, parenting, health, growing food, making meals, taking care of things. I should have learned how to handle conflict in a healthy way, how to have functional relationships, how to help friends when they are in trouble, and how to not lose myself amidst it all.
And if not that, I should at least have spent my time relaxing and enjoying life because that would be my only chance to do so in a long, long time.
Today, I feel incompetent. And completely, utterly overwhelmed.
On a positive note, I joined Facebook again. I enjoyed my vacation from it and learned a thing or two about myself and how I spend my time. It was good for me, but I found myself missing people and wondering what they were up to. So I joined, and carefully chose my friends. I am keeping my circle small and tight, with those I feel safe sharing my life with.