Here I am again on a bad, bad day

Well, I am back.

I’m in that place again where I need a place to put my thoughts so they aren’t stuck in my head.  Or my throat.

Here I am, with a screaming 18-month old whom I can’t seem to please, a pailful of stinky diapers waiting to be washed, and enough drama to make Shakespeare turn in his grave.  I just learned that my beloved midwife, Jeanne, has breast cancer and that my beloved mother plans to donate her body to science after she dies (which I respect, but am having a terrible time accepting); in addition, I learned that a close friend and her husband are separating.  Alan is stressed and tired, we all have colds, and I just got the bill for Anna’s hospital visit 3 weeks ago.  Ouch.

Life is much harder than I ever expected.  Maybe instead of spending my high school years stressing out over algebraic equations, dysfunctional friendships,  and American history, I should have been learning about THIS.  I should have learned about budgeting, parenting, health, growing food, making meals, taking care of things.  I should have learned how to handle conflict in a healthy way, how to have functional relationships, how to help friends when they are in trouble, and how to not lose myself amidst it all.

And if not that, I should at least have spent my time relaxing and enjoying life because that would be my only chance to do so in a long, long time.

Today, I feel incompetent.  And completely, utterly overwhelmed.

On a positive note, I joined Facebook again.  I enjoyed my vacation from it and learned a thing or two about myself and how I spend my time.  It was good for me, but I found myself missing people and wondering what they were up to.  So I joined, and carefully chose my friends.  I am keeping my circle small and tight, with those I feel safe sharing my life with.

3 thoughts on “Here I am again on a bad, bad day

  1. I feel for you. I have a screaming toddler (her daddy is with her, but it still breaks my heart and makes me feel helpless) and other similar ‘real world’ issues to deal with – I agree, I wish I’d had more preparation for these types of things. (Speaking of the hospital bill, try contacting the hospital – I recently heard somebody talking about charity donation programs that will help you pay. You just need to ask, and then fill out paperwork. hth)

    Are you familiar with Louise Hay? I just read You Can Heal Your Life (and I follow her on FB) and her wisdom has really been helping me lately. Some moments are still too big and I fall into the familiar feeling of being overwhelmed, but it’s not as often as it used to be. Also, there are many more wonderful moments in between.

    I share in your sadness for Jeanne’s diagnosis. Sending mama hugs to you,
    Alyssa

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