the most wonderful time of the year?

Since I started paying attention about 3 years ago, I believe I have had an emotional meltdown every year at this time.  It begins around Thanksgiving, increasingly worsens, peaks at Christmas and dwindles by New Year’s Eve.  This year it may have peaked a bit prematurely (last week), so I am optimistic that things will improve from here on out.  But looking at the calendar, maybe that it an unrealistic dream.  There is much more of this to come in the days ahead.

This is a hard time of year for me and my fellow vata people.  Cold, dry, hectic, not enough downtime whatsoever.  And so much freaking pressure from all directions. Add to that lots of unwelcome sibling rivalry (in response to mama’s bad mood), way too much on the calendar, financial stress, and little room for my simple dream of doing yoga and taking a warm bath each night.

I cry at the drop of a hat, yell at my children, and feel guilty and terrible and for it.  And also feel guilty for what I am NOT doing and wish I were: making holiday crafts with the girls and doing all sorts of special things with them.  But I have no idea how that is done. I have no idea how to balance everything I have to do each day with everything I want to do.

We made a gingerbread house and cutout cookies and I felt like a champ.  Rolling out that gingerbread cookie dough takes a lot of sweat.  Then I catch up on Soule Mama and feel as incapable and little as a person can feel.  How does she do it? And with so many children and animals and a blog and books to write? I am dumbfounded.  But at the same time, I am inspired to do better.

What I would like to do in my unrealistic world of dreams is to take the entire month off from work and other engagements and take a Caribbean vacation.

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