Today I woke up from a nap and had a revelation:
“This is my life. This is who I really am.”
Since I can remember, I have been waiting for my life to begin. I have been waiting to figure out who I am, waiting for my life to happen, feeling an odd sense of disconnect from the reality of my life. Suddenly I realize this: I have already made my mark. Who I am has been long established. I am embedded in the memory of each person I have connected with in my 33 years in this world. I am unveiled. I find it funny that I am perhaps among the last to realize this simple truth. This is the real me. This is my life.
I have a unfamiliar sense of comfort in this new revelation. Suddenly I realize that I don’t have to try so hard anymore. I don’t have to pretend. It is safe to be me.
There are people who know the real me and love me, anyway. They have seen me without makeup on, in a messy house, when I am frazzled, when I am caught up in one of my many dreams, when I yell at my husband for using the wrong milk in the oatmeal. Having those people is indescribably special. It proves to me that I am lovable.
I am working towards being one of those people (who knows the real me and loves me, anyway).