on growing old

When I was five years old, I had a terrible dream. I dreamed that my mom was an old lady with grey hair who couldn't walk up the stairs. When I woke up, I told my mom about the dream, crying.  I asked her if she would ever be old like that. "Yes," she replied,... Continue Reading →

a thing I hate about myself

For as long as I remember I've practiced "speak before I think".  I want to undo at least 80% of the words I say.  They are usually repetitive and useless and impulsive. I wish I would always double check and make sure that everything I say is 100% true and not make assumptions, change stories,... Continue Reading →

exercise is free

I just remembered today that by doing the work that needs to be done, I can get exercise that is free and in the outdoors. This revelation comes at a time that I am once again feeling the pull of the gym, like I really "should" go there and get into shape.  But it seems... Continue Reading →

a dream

I had the most marvelous dream. It gave me a message.  The message is that we should live in Northfield, Minnesota and that the job I would love is to be a counselor for college kids.  I saw myself in a sunny office, older with gray hair, as a clinical counselor for college kids. I... Continue Reading →

calm after the storm

Release of pain is one of life's greatest pleasures. In order to appreciate feeling good, we have to know what it is to feel bad. If we distract ourselves from feeling badly, we distract our ability to heal and grow. Last week I was in a storm.  Old pain hovered over me and I had... Continue Reading →

back home again

This is where I grew up. It is beautiful. I didn't know that until I moved away and came back. Savoring the moment. Thank goodness for cameras.

relief

This blog is where I go to sort things out when my mind is on overdrive.  It always makes me feel better to write things down, even if afterward it seems silly. Today I was sad all day.  Then I went to work with the old lady that I care for.  Now I am home,... Continue Reading →

a hard and strange day

After immersing myself in my past (by spending a few days at my childhood home) I am feeling strange.  Not necessarily due to anything in particular; I had a wonderful time.  Going back in time inevitably opens old wounds--those that we all have. I am overcome with feelings of guilt and inadequacy and feeling stuck. ... Continue Reading →

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