a hard and strange day

After immersing myself in my past (by spending a few days at my childhood home) I am feeling strange.  Not necessarily due to anything in particular; I had a wonderful time.  Going back in time inevitably opens old wounds–those that we all have.

I am overcome with feelings of guilt and inadequacy and feeling stuck.  I feel alone. I feel like nobody understands or appreciates me for who I am.

I am unable to accomplish much today.  My attitude is pessimistic and negative.  I have been having nightmares and severe digestive upset.  My list of ten favorite things that I wrote today didn’t even cheer me up the way it normally does.

I want to leave Facebook. Again.  Why do I have such a love/hate relationship with it? My “friends” list has grown again to a point where I don’t feel comfortable sharing and being my true self.  When I post things that are of interest of me, I think I inevitably offend someone every time.  I am overly concerned with how I affect people to the point where I punish myself with guilt and grief over it.  People can be so complicated, myself included.

Sometimes we have to be sad.  Sometimes we have to digest those uncomfortable feelings before we can be in a good place again. Feeling good takes conscious effort and nurturing of the self.

I am trying to remember that today and am trying to roll with this discomfort, letting it pass through me so I can feel soft and free again.

One thought on “a hard and strange day

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  1. I don’t like when you have bad days. I will draw you antoher bath when you get home. Hopefully it comes out ok. I’ve always considered myself more of a musician than an artist. First I have to find a pencil and paper.
    Cheer up. I love you. You can do this. 🙂

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