A happy, happy day

For nine years’ of days and nights, I have had Mia under my wing.  She’s been my shadow for all of her life, my little companion, my teacher. Today, I let her go. She started school today.

I did all of my crying, grieving and letting go prior to today, and I woke up happy and at peace.  Mia was super excited and looked so cute wearing her new backpack, brown Converse shoes, and Peanuts t-shirt. I drove away from her school with calmness and peace, certain that we were on the right path.

Anna and I spent the day together, just the two of us.  We went to Silverwood Park and had a picnic lunch inside and did a little exploring outside.  She collected leaves and tried to match them up to pictures in her field guide of trees and leaves.  We shared a hot chai and looked at artwork in the gallery.  There was scribbling and “writing” and playing with my credit cards. And we did this all at Anna’s 3-year-old pace: quiet, gentle, slow.

I feel as if I am getting to know her for the first time today. It is both wonderful and painful.  I have missed so much, let so much pass me by.  Suddenly I am fully present; I am not overwhelmed.  I am not looking for an escape.  Under these conditions, my children are their best selves.  And so am I.

Oh yes, now I remember. This is what I love.

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