I just spent a couple of weeks at the top of a hill, and last night, I rolled down from it at super speed. The crash was triggered by an unexpected event, related to being hungry and tired and saying things I shouldn’t have said. Life is a roller-coaster. Although I find myself, on average, flying higher than ever before, I nonetheless come crashing down like I always have. I am not bi-polar (I’ve actually checked), but sometimes I wonder. Does everyone have these highs and lows like I do? Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have long-term stability with my moods like my rock-steady husband does.
The good thing about my low points is that I usually come out of them having learned something important and perhaps even made peace with something troublesome. And, usually I do not self-destruct and it ends up yielding to improvement in an area of my life that could use some help. When faced with a low period, I usually have a strong need to check out of society for a bit, neglect housework, and put my kids in front of Netflix. But not for more than a few days. I promise.
Healing and learning are hard work, but worthwhile work. What I’ve learned in the many lows I’ve had in my life is this: Don’t run from it. Embrace the suffering. Learn. Heal. Move on.
And I won’t forget the most important thing I need to do right now: LOVE MYSELF. That’s the hardest thing sometimes.
So, this summarizes what I am doing today (or at least I am trying to)–trying to get back on that horse.