Adrenal exhaustion and wanting a farm

My adrenals (or what I think are my adrenals) have been in pain for a couple of days.  I think all the coldness of the juices and salads have taken a toll on my body, and I have not been able to fall asleep at bedtime and have been very irritable, anxious, depressed, overwhelmed and jittery.  My pH has improved, however.  Luckily there is always a bright side.

When I am set on a new idea, I put so much energy into it that I totally exhaust myself.  I am getting too old for that now; I just don’t have the reserves for overwork and loss of sleep anymore.  I don’t really know what to do about this, however; it’s not like I can just turn off my mind and stop trying out new ideas.  The good thing is that these spurts tend to cycle.  We’ve just been under Gemini (my sign) and that is probably why I’ve been in such a heightened  and ungrounded state.

Luckily we are in Cancer now, so maybe good things will come out of this.

On another note, I want a farm so badly that it hurts.  I want to have lambs.  I want to see my children frollick outside and get dirty and play with animals and collect eggs and milk.  I know it is a lot of work, but I guess I have never been afraid of that.  Perhaps I should be, though.

Pictures of my birthday

Although Anna was sick and crabby today, she dealt with me dragging her around town for my birthday.
We had a picnic with my family during the day and I had a date with Alan in the evening at Alma.  It was a special yet low-key day, and I really enjoyed it.  I have only one regret, however, and that is that I forgot to get my free birthday Caribou coffee.

 

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thirty-five.

Today is my 35th birthday.

I love my birthdays.  Each one is a milestone, and I love to reflect on my journey and what I’ve learned each time I reach a new age.  I want to keep moving and experiencing life, gaining more knowledge and wisdom with each passing year. Sometimes I get freaked out when I realize there is no option to put life on hold or to go back in time, and that if I live long enough, someday I really will be an old woman.  I worry about feeling trapped in my body and not being able to do physical things, but when that time comes, perhaps I will be ready to sit back and enjoy the view.

Turning 35 means that I am really a grown-up.  I feel like a grown-up now, something I don’t think I could have said when I was 25.  I am aware of the impact of my decisions and actions, and aware more of how I come across to others. I am aware that my life is my responsibility and also my fault! I finally admit that I have a dark side, and my challenge from here on out is to love and forgive that part of myself.

I am aware of how quickly time passes; I am more in touch with the present and with how fragile life is.  There are no guarantees.  Although life can be stressful and challenging, I can choose to focus on the beauty of every day instead of the difficulties.  I can overlook the bad stuff and be grateful for the countless gifts that life has to offer, and my Project Happy blog has given me a deliberate place to do this.  I know now that I can consciously choose to fill myself with positive energy and that this will attract positive experiences in my life.

I’ve reached a point where I am able to understand other people’s perspectives, even where they differ vastly from my own.  I can work out conflicts with others without getting wrapped up in my own emotional experience, and I can come to a reasonable conclusion. In my previous years, I was more idealistic and viewed life in black or white, only through my own lens.  There are many truths, and each person finds his or her own truth to live by.  Each person has her own story to tell, and my ears are open to that now.

From here on out, I hope to focus on finding calmness and coping during times of stress.  I hope to focus on my studies and complete my Master’s program while balancing the rest of my responsibilities with ease.  I hope to be responsible with our finances and planning for our future, paying off debts, and making sensible spending decisions. I hope to be a good role model for my children and that I am able to teach them responsibility while making them feel loved and important.  I hope to be a wife who is loving and mindful of Alan’s needs, even when his needs differ from my own. I also hope to take good care of my physical, emotional and spiritual health so that I can be my best self and can stay well.

I am grateful for the challenges that are behind me and looking forward to conquering those that lie ahead, even if they seem a bit daunting at times.

“I am on an endless journey through eternity, and there is plenty of time.”
-Louise Hay

Happy birthday to me, and thank you to those who have put up with me on my journey.

 

I got my answer.

When I have a dilemma, I lie in bed at night and think about it.  Sometimes I ask for guidance, and it will usually come right away or in a dream that night.

What my answer is to my kids’ arguing is this: first, let it be. Be calm and patient with their problems.  Focus on the positive.  Model good behavior and set a peaceful tone within the family.  Meditate and learn to manage my feelings of stress.  Remember that all kids in our society fight with each other.  It’s not the end of the world.

I am starting today.

How do I make peace with fighting?

My kids fight so many times per day that I can’t even count it.  They have good times, too, where they hug and kiss and love each other and can cooperate.  Anna is so sensitive that she cries for long periods of time after a fight with Mia.  It is utterly exhausting and I am so tired of it.  It drains me and makes me depressed.  I feel trapped in my own home and I want to escape.

I don’t think fighting is normal or natural or necessary.  I believe this because of the book, The Continuum Concept.  Because our society is based on individual achievement and competition and we live relatively isolated from our communities, I understand that the tribal concept described in the book cannot be replicated here.  The tribal people in the book do not fight.  They are harmonious and peaceful and they know their place in their tribe.

I wish I could live without fighting.  Sometimes I wish I were deaf so I didn’t have to listen to it.  On the other hand, I fight a lot with Alan.  We make up after each fight.  We grow and gain wisdom from our fights. Maybe the freedom to fight and express ourselves is a kind of freedom that the tribal people in The Continuum Concept do not have.  Maybe the price of freedom is having to listen to and engage in fighting.

Either way, what am I going to do over the next three months where there will be fighting every single damn day? I am worried I will lose my mind or maybe run away.