thirty-five.

Today is my 35th birthday.

I love my birthdays.  Each one is a milestone, and I love to reflect on my journey and what I’ve learned each time I reach a new age.  I want to keep moving and experiencing life, gaining more knowledge and wisdom with each passing year. Sometimes I get freaked out when I realize there is no option to put life on hold or to go back in time, and that if I live long enough, someday I really will be an old woman.  I worry about feeling trapped in my body and not being able to do physical things, but when that time comes, perhaps I will be ready to sit back and enjoy the view.

Turning 35 means that I am really a grown-up.  I feel like a grown-up now, something I don’t think I could have said when I was 25.  I am aware of the impact of my decisions and actions, and aware more of how I come across to others. I am aware that my life is my responsibility and also my fault! I finally admit that I have a dark side, and my challenge from here on out is to love and forgive that part of myself.

I am aware of how quickly time passes; I am more in touch with the present and with how fragile life is.  There are no guarantees.  Although life can be stressful and challenging, I can choose to focus on the beauty of every day instead of the difficulties.  I can overlook the bad stuff and be grateful for the countless gifts that life has to offer, and my Project Happy blog has given me a deliberate place to do this.  I know now that I can consciously choose to fill myself with positive energy and that this will attract positive experiences in my life.

I’ve reached a point where I am able to understand other people’s perspectives, even where they differ vastly from my own.  I can work out conflicts with others without getting wrapped up in my own emotional experience, and I can come to a reasonable conclusion. In my previous years, I was more idealistic and viewed life in black or white, only through my own lens.  There are many truths, and each person finds his or her own truth to live by.  Each person has her own story to tell, and my ears are open to that now.

From here on out, I hope to focus on finding calmness and coping during times of stress.  I hope to focus on my studies and complete my Master’s program while balancing the rest of my responsibilities with ease.  I hope to be responsible with our finances and planning for our future, paying off debts, and making sensible spending decisions. I hope to be a good role model for my children and that I am able to teach them responsibility while making them feel loved and important.  I hope to be a wife who is loving and mindful of Alan’s needs, even when his needs differ from my own. I also hope to take good care of my physical, emotional and spiritual health so that I can be my best self and can stay well.

I am grateful for the challenges that are behind me and looking forward to conquering those that lie ahead, even if they seem a bit daunting at times.

“I am on an endless journey through eternity, and there is plenty of time.”
-Louise Hay

Happy birthday to me, and thank you to those who have put up with me on my journey.

 

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