Thinking

Things I am thinking about today:

How hard I have been on myself, and how worried I have been about things that are really just fine

That I am actually still pretty young and healthy and if we did want another baby, I could actually handle it

That I strongly dislike obligations of any kind, and this makes it hard for me to stay committed to my very organized and obligatory religion–even though the spiritual part of me wants to be a part of it

That above all, I need to be free to be happy

That I love walking in my neighborhood when the kids are at school and the streets are peaceful and serene

That I love where I live and feel so blessed that I was put here, in a place where my needs are met with ease and that I feel safe and secure

That I love music and dancing when no one is looking, or at least only if my kids are looking, because it makes me feel happy and alive

That it’s nice to be in a place where I am not ashamed to be myself

That I still feel very bothered by the people in my past and present who imply that I am not good enough–because gosh darnit, I AM ENOUGH! It took me 35 years to figure that out.

That I hope my kids know from the get-go that they are enough and that it is okay to be themselves and to put their gifts to use.

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