It’s interesting to look back at the various things I’ve been obsessed with over the years and how many of them have actually stuck around. They seem to come and go with the wind. I guess it’s just a part of who I am to be curious and explore all kinds of different things. Sometimes I think it’s pretty exhausting and wouldn’t mind being less curious. My curiosity pulls me out of my present life and into a different world. My kids get ignored, chores don’t get done, and so forth–but the drive to discover these things is so strong that I can’t fight it. I have to satisfy my curiosity or I will go nuts.
The last week I have spent many hours reading about astrology, and more specifically, about astrolocation. Astrolocation is a theory that suggests that based on the location of the planets at the time and place of your birth, there are certain places in the world that impart energies onto us that are either beneficial or not beneficial. Some places are neutral. I am obsessed with this. Of course I want to try this out and live somewhere for a while that has a beneficial impact on me, because I always want to try something new.
The other place my mind has been is on our finances. I have had a strong drive to get a grip on them and pay off our debts–something I have been wanting and even planning to do for a long time. Somehow I’ve always wanted it but not made it happen. Now I am feeling a drive that I have not felt before and with Alan on board, I think it’s possible. It means letting go of some luxuries for a while and not buying stuff unless we truly need it. It means putting everything else on hold and putting debt payoff as the top priority. Our goal is to be paid off 18 months from January 2014.
Another thing that’s on my mind is that I hate being told what to do. It’s a recent realization I have about myself. Whether what I am being told to do is right or not, I hate being told. I want to figure things out for myself. I am trying to get better at this and being more humble and open when I am told what to do–I really don’t know everything even though sometimes maybe I think I do, which is ridiculous.
I also realized in the last couple of weeks why I have a blog. It’s because I love to communicate. I love to listen to others and I love to have others listen to me. Even if it’s just my blog listening, it’s something I am driven to do. That is ok. I can keep it going or I can stop, but if I stop, then I will need another outlet, anyway. So I may as well keep it going.
On an unrelated note, I desperately need/want a huge chunk of quiet and alone time in my own house. Like maybe every single day for a long time. Noise and demands are driving me nuts, and I have been so crabby today. I wish I were more stable and tolerant sometimes. I wish people would clean up after themselves and be mindful of how they affect this space that we all share here. That would be really nice. In that regard, I suppose I could be a lot better at being mindful of how my emotional state affects all the people who share this space.