I haven’t had the words lately, and perhaps it has to do with Mercury retrograde for almost all of February. I have been deep in thought and in a place of facing and realizing and healing old things so that I can move forward when this retrograde period ends.
The theme for me lately is “overcoming”.
Where I’ve come from is a place that can’t be shared on this blog. And perhaps it doesn’t need to be. It’s a place from which comes both deep gratitude and deep sorrow, and it’s the place that has been my soul’s journey. To look back and see where I’ve been and and where I am now, it is a feeling that is hard to describe. Simply put, I have overcome.
Since Anna was a baby, I’ve been consumed with this desire to overcome. Her birth opened my soul and exposed it all, and I had to face all of that stuff. I didn’t know where it would take me; I just followed this path that seemed to appear in front of me and went with it.
Today, I am different. I have a distinct feeling of newness, a new chapter. I know today that I am here: the place I’ve been trying to get to for a very long time. One of Anna’s purposes for being here was to begin this journey I had to make. Thank you, Anna.
Unlike prior to the last year or so, I can react appropriately and create my own boundaries, consistently and confidently. I can choose to live with peace and kindness and turn away from that which hurts or does not benefit me. I can see what is healthy and what is not, and I do not blame myself or take undue responsibility for it. That is good. That is healthy.
I have been tested a few times over recent month with situations that have come my way, and each test I have passed. I have increasing confidence in my ability to take control of my life and what I allow into it. It feels good. It feels safe. It feels good to know I am in a healthy place.
On top of that, I love my little family of Alan and our girls. They are a treasure and an incredible gift, and this new place I am in allows me to love them purely and without the darkness of my past hovering over them. I love them, purely and freely, and I am glad for that. Someday when it is my time to leave this earth, I hope to leave behind a legacy of love and light with my children and all the generations that follow. That alone will have made my life worthwhile, at least to me.