My friend Alyssa got me to thinking about this, so I have her to thank for this post.
When we’re in pain, we want to express it and feel it, and this is an important part of the healing process. If we stay in this part of the process, however, we can get stuck here. Being stuck in feeling the pain and negative energy invites more of it into our lives, and we soon find ourselves surrounded by painful situations.
I’ve come to believe in this Law of Attraction, and although I forget to practice it much of the time, it helps so much when I do remember that we are in charge of our thoughts. Our thoughts shape our feelings, perceptions, and our lives. Like attracts like. Our word choices and where we put our energy are very important in this Law of Attraction. When I first heard about this, I did not believe it. Then I practiced it and saw things change. Our thoughts and beliefs really do attract or repel people and situations. Our mindsets and attitudes shape our existence. It’s wild.
The last couple of weeks or more, I have been in a cycle of some serious purging of old feelings, memories, and beliefs. My class has a hand in this, and it’s been helpful. I’ve gone through this several times in my adult life, but this time is the most deep and intense healing session I’ve ever experienced. Medical nomenclature would call it PTSD, but since I am not a big fan of labels, let’s call it “healing”! Let’s also say that I invited this; I put it into the universe that I wanted to heal, once and for all, so that I could move forward in my own life and on my journey to becoming a therapist. I am tired of that wall in front of me and I am truly willing and ready to let it go now. And that kicked things into full gear.
I have periods of calm between the storms, and that is wonderful and also necessary. It makes me think of the process of birth, and how we have contractions for a short time and then a period of rest. Like birth can be, some of it is so uncomfortable and I am not sure I can handle it. Then I think of my choices: move through it and keep an eye on my ultimate goal, or give up and succumb to the pain, going back to my old ways and keeping my old belief systems.
When I am in the thick of it and feeling like I want to quit or die: if I remember, I do a little bilateral stimulation, affirmations, and/or the “5 things” trick I learned from my friend, Meghan. The “5 Things” trick works like this: when you are in your right brain, ie all emotion and no rationality, look around the room at 5 separate objects and label them. It works almost immediately to connect you once again to your left brain and gets you to thinking more rationally. Still, I have to feel the discomfort until my body is able to let it go. It’s that discomfort that’s so hard to face.
The crappy result of all of this healing I am going through is that I have a very low threshold for other stress in my life. Needless to say, this affects my family and especially Alan. Luckily they are extremely forgiving, and amazingly, they continue to love me. Then I have to pinch myself sometimes. This continued love, despite my mistakes, goes against my mistaken beliefs that I have to be good to earn love. They love me as I am, no matter what. That’s pretty wonderful and it’s also hard to believe sometimes. I deserve to be loved! I MATTER!
I am visualizing, thanks to Alan’s intuitive input, that there is a dark grey cloud inside of my body and it is slowly coming out, turning to dust and flying out the window. That really helps me. I can control the speed at which it comes out, and I can do it at the pace I am able to. Then I can release it and send it away.
Anna had her 5th birthday this weekend. Despite my emotional roller coaster ride, plus dealing with the sentimentalism I always feel on my kids’ birthdays, it was a delightful day. Anna is a bundle of joy and delight, and she fills my heart with love. Children are such a gift. Love is such a gift.