Many thoughts

I had a couple of hours by myself tonight to look up and read about a variety of things that have been on my mind.  There are so many possibilities in this life, and sometimes I get so excited by them all that I have difficulty focusing on what I can realistically accomplish.  Many of the things I want to learn cost a great deal of money, so fortunately that keeps me from overbooking myself.

I have been interested for a long time in training in several modalities of trauma-informed therapy for mental health.  There are many out there that seem valid and useful. Those I am pondering now, due to accessibility and practicality, are Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, and Trauma-Informed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

My training from graduate school is so broad and general that I feel like I need another degree if I want to specialize in anything.

A few years ago, I started training in Kalffian Sandplay.  However, I am not sure now that I want to complete the training, even though what I have learned so far has been interesting and useful.  I won’t bore this blog with the details about why I might not finish this training. I have a pretty strong history of not finishing what I start, and also in taking a long time to finish what I start.

Other thoughts:

-Pondering the idea of balancing family, individual interests (mainly kids), career, saving money versus spending (on kids’ interests), traveling with family versus saving (or spending on kids’ interests)

-Thinking about my yearning for spiritual/religious experiences without having a commitment or subscribing to dogma (ie. attending different churches or meditation centers to satisfy my hunger for this)

-Determining how much ballet we can afford in terms of time and money (Anna loves ballet), and also which studio to try out next (our current one isn’t going to work because of various reasons)

-Wondering what will happen or what I can do about what has become chronic back pain as well as chronic plantars fasciitis

-Thinking about how much I would like to dance, drink wine occasionally, and learn to sing.  These have all been inhibited by my rigid belief system that I am working on dismantling.

-Processing my lifelong difficulty in establishing and maintaining intimate friendships and that this is something I would like to improve upon in the second half of my life.


Bundled up from head to toe, Anna and I walked to the lake today.  The lake, a bumpy frozen tundra reflecting the soft winter light, took my breath away.  Anna skated on a small patch of smooth ice near the beach.  Purposefully, I had left my phone at home; the only photo I have of this moment is in my memory.  Living in the present moment and loving what is right in front of me–that is the key to happiness.




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