Homeschooling has begun!

Today was our official first day of 4th and 9th grades! It was wonderful, delightful, and warmed my heart in a way I haven’t felt in a long time.  I can hardly express how much I love these girls and love this new adventure we’re on together.  There will probably be bumps in the road and hard days ahead, but not today.  Today was a great day.

We’re “winging it” a bit with this homeschooling plan.  Mia has more structure, but Anna, not so much.  There are a bunch of loose ideas in my head that I hope to intuitively navigate and pull together in a cohesive way (which magically happened today).  The most important thing is that the atmosphere is loving and relaxed.  Everything else is a distant second.

This morning we visited a local nursing home where Mia played guitar and sang some old folk and country songs for the residents.  Anna sang “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” while playing her eukelele.  It was lovely.  Mia and Anna genuinely enjoyed it and love the company of the elderly.  Our hope is that visiting the nursing home will become a regular part of our routine from now on.

After that, we had lunch and did some school work.  We tried to do a guided meditation that I like, but we all ended up laughing so much that we had to give it up.  While I worked with Anna, Mia worked on her online classes on Khan Academy and on her English curriculum from Oak Meadow. Together we wrote in journals, read aloud, drew, observed animals outside and walked around the lake when we’d all had enough school for the day.

Here are a couple photos from our special day.

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A bit of clarity and the gift of broken-ness

Mercury is direct again and with it comes a little more peace and clarity than the previous three weeks delivered.  This is a relief and has me feeling better about life and myself in general.  However, it’s not all figured out yet.  The journey goes on.

Since last night when Mercury went direct, I have been thinking about this: the gift of broken-ness.  I am not sure whether I was whole before I was born, but I think the broken-ness began with birth.  Then, like a ceramic bowl dropped on the floor, I was broken and mended, over and over.  And the cycle continues this way.  My guess is that this holds true for most living beings, too. From our broken-ness, we get to re-create ourselves and our lives. In this, there is a gift, an evolution of the spirit and a deeper awareness of the great mystery of life.

We’re official homeschoolers!

The letter has been sent and the schools notified.  The curriculum materials are here and our little office is ready to go.  I have a loose idea of what our lives might look like and what we might do.  Mostly, my hope is that we enjoy this year, deschool ourselves, and grow as people and a family.

Mia and Anna are both excited to volunteer at a nursing home in our neighborhood.  We’ll all do this together, playing music for them, visiting, and doing other random things.  I think it will be fun and special.

I would still like to quit my job and just homeschool the girls, but my logical mind knows this is not the right thing to do.  If I quit now, I’ll lose my connections to my work and stop earning hours toward my license.   And, the money….that’s really the kicker. I keep reminding myself that our kids will someday grow up and I will want a career at that time.  And, I do really like working with my clients, even if I dislike other aspects of my job. So, I’m talking myself our of quitting…every day lately.

I don’t know what I’m doing, really.  With homeschooling, with my job, with my life. I wonder if anyone else feels like this. I am forty years old and I am still clueless with many things. Each day I just do things and I am vaguely aware of what my long-term goals are anymore.  I look at websites and blogs that inspire me, and I think, “I wish I were doing that” and “I could never do that” and then I feel down on myself.  Some people are so ambitious and focused.  I am not.  I am interested in many things, and those interests tend to fade before I delve deeply into them.  I want to do and be so many things.  I get restless and bored easily. The gifts of being a Gemini, maybe.

I kind of feel like it’s all falling apart lately, my life, my inner world, my health, my mental state. But, maybe it’s falling apart in an okay way, like in a way of letting go and releasing the need to know about or control things.  Something like that.  I think need to just roll with it, one day at a time, while staying somewhat focused on the long-term, too.