The letter has been sent and the schools notified. The curriculum materials are here and our little office is ready to go. I have a loose idea of what our lives might look like and what we might do. Mostly, my hope is that we enjoy this year, deschool ourselves, and grow as people and a family.
Mia and Anna are both excited to volunteer at a nursing home in our neighborhood. We’ll all do this together, playing music for them, visiting, and doing other random things. I think it will be fun and special.
I would still like to quit my job and just homeschool the girls, but my logical mind knows this is not the right thing to do. If I quit now, I’ll lose my connections to my work and stop earning hours toward my license. And, the money….that’s really the kicker. I keep reminding myself that our kids will someday grow up and I will want a career at that time. And, I do really like working with my clients, even if I dislike other aspects of my job. So, I’m talking myself our of quitting…every day lately.
I don’t know what I’m doing, really. With homeschooling, with my job, with my life. I wonder if anyone else feels like this. I am forty years old and I am still clueless with many things. Each day I just do things and I am vaguely aware of what my long-term goals are anymore. I look at websites and blogs that inspire me, and I think, “I wish I were doing that” and “I could never do that” and then I feel down on myself. Some people are so ambitious and focused. I am not. I am interested in many things, and those interests tend to fade before I delve deeply into them. I want to do and be so many things. I get restless and bored easily. The gifts of being a Gemini, maybe.
I kind of feel like it’s all falling apart lately, my life, my inner world, my health, my mental state. But, maybe it’s falling apart in an okay way, like in a way of letting go and releasing the need to know about or control things. Something like that. I think need to just roll with it, one day at a time, while staying somewhat focused on the long-term, too.