I feel like almost no one in the whole world understands me. It’s a way I felt most of my life, and it’s a lonely and isolating feeling. I also feel afraid, because being alone is scary to me. Of course I’m not physically alone, but more alone on the emotional or spiritual side of things.
For the last few weeks I have been engaging in a therapy called QNRT. The letters stand for Quantum Neuro Reset Therapy. It has been extremely helpful in overcoming trauma from both past and present. In my last session, feelings I had from when I was 10 and 11 years old were addressed and are now being subsequently released from my body. It is very unpleasant at the moment.
This current release has something to do with why I have suddenly been writing blog posts and sharing them on Facebook again. A part of what I’m healing is the belief that I have held most of my life that I am not supported and my feelings and fears are not safe with others.
As soon as I open up and reveal my authentic self, I open myself up to being hurt and rejected by others, too. I hate rejection. This topic always been really hard for me, but perhaps being quiet and pretending I’m something I’m not are even harder than being rejected. I had some good practice with tolerating rejection today as a result of posting one of my blog posts on Facebook and getting some backlash about it. One of Alan’s longtime coworkers basically told me stop it and be quiet. Ouch.
Today I feel trapped. It’s very unpleasant. Living in this world feels heavy and burdensome. I want to escape it either by death or by moving to the Canadian wilderness and never seeing anybody again. This is obviously a temporary feeling that I will not act upon, but nonetheless the experience is very unpleasant in the moment.
I feel extremely frustrated that almost no one can see what I see or understand what I see or feel. The world is going crazy and nobody seems to get it. It is absolutely crazy and I just can’t believe I have to live under the current circumstances for an unknown period of time. The craziness could go on for years and I do not currently feel like I have the strength to cope with that reality. Nobody gives a s*** about science or fact anymore. The majority of people only care about what they feel and what affects them personally in the moment. Is absolute insanity.
So what I’m doing now is allowing it all to flow through me. I’m crying and my body shakes. Allowing those unpleasant feelings to ride through me and choosing to love all people unconditionally is what I am committing to. I’m choosing to accept that this experience as a part of my karmic debt and I will grow as a result of going through it.